Jurriaan Plesman, BA (Psych), Post Grad Dip Clin nutr
Romantic rejection, like any traumatic event such as a death in the family, may give rise to a grieving process, that may need considerable time for a healing process to complete. Although not as severe as as the grieving process in response to the death of a loved one, a person may have to go through similar predictable grief phases as described as the five stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and final acceptance. Elisabeth Küber-Ross et al. (2005).
From a biological point of view, the emotional upheaval is accompanied by the secretion of sufficient stress hormones – such as adrenaline and cortisol – in order for the individual to appropriately to deal with the situation. During this phase these same stress hormones prevents the production of more relaxing and feel good hormones and chemicals – such as 5-HTP the forerunner of serotonin. “For instance, sustained stress leads to a decrease in 5-HT turnover in rat brains (van Praag,2004b). Chronic stress also alters 5-HT1A and 5–HT2 receptors expression and signalling in brain regions, that participate in stress and emotions response….” E. R Kloet, et als (2008) page 207
Most people will recover from this ordeal with effluxion of time, when the body will again produce normal levels of serotonin. However, some other people may find that the break-up of a relationship may have a much longer lasting effect. This may then become the grounds for a more serious Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Indeed, being hurt in a relationship can be devastating, especially for those with a low self-esteem. If you want to be successful, in a significant relationship you need to have a healthy self-image. People with a healthy self-image do not get hurt so much in rejection of love. They know they deserve better and start looking for a BETTER relationship very soon. But if you have a low self-esteem, rejection in love can be really devastating. It seems to reinforce a previously held negative self-image. It can trigger a depression, and this means a pre-existing tendency to become depressed was latent to start off with. Having a low self-esteem also leaves you open to manipulation by others. See here. A similar mechanism seems to be at play among male stalkers, who cannot stop pursuing their obsession: it may even lead to domestic violence and aggression.
You might think that a low self-esteem is always a “psychological” matter, something you have acquired because of bad childhood experiences or learned negative ideas about the self. Very often people with a low self-esteem can trace these feeling back into the past, which seems to confirm that it has been acquired because of a learning process or because of “bad” parenting by a child’s parents. That of course implies that you can be talked out of these negative feelings by a long process of talk therapy. However we can always find a trauma in the past or in childhood, that could possibly explain our present feelings.
You may be surprised to hear that there is a much easier method of overcoming a negative self-image, if you start to realize that a low self-esteem is simply caused by your body’s inability to produce feel good neurotransmitters. This may have been going on for a long time. This may give you a false impression, that your low self-esteem has been created by past experiences, as most psychologists will assume. See Psychological Projection. Therefore, if it is not “psychological” what is it then?
People who suffer unknowingly from a silent illness – such as hypoglycemia – have problems producing feel good neurotransmitters such as serotonin and can become depressed. One sign of that depression is having a low self-esteem.
The reason is that hypoglycemia means the inability of the body to produce biological energy called ATP from carbohydrates in food. That energy is essential if the body wants to manufacture feel good neurotransmitters and right hormones from nutrients in food. Thus the body lacks the necessary energy to convert tryptophan in food to serotonin. And because serotonin is also the forerunner of melatonin – the sleeping chemical – many depressed people also have problems with enjoying a restful sleep.
The beauty is, that you do not need any drugs to overcome depression, low self-esteem or insomnia, but to simply adopt the Hypoglycemic Diet.
Give it some time on the hypoglycemia diet (about three months) and you will start to feel much better about yourself.
As I said it is important to have a healthy self-image (in the literal sense of the word) to be successful in love and life.
Now you are ready to to do some self-help psychotherapy by studying:
in its entirety from beginning to end. It includes a program showing you how to overcome a negative self-image, and assertiveness training program, communication course and values clarification course. You may need the help of a CBT therapist to complete the course. But most people will get better at it by themselves, by just reading the articles over and over again.
I can assure that you will never be hurt again in a love relationship. The course also gives you some insight into your prospective partner. You will never choose a bad apple anymore, and if you made a mistake, you will learn from the experience and become emotional richer, instead of poorer!
Please discuss this article with your health care worker, doctor or nutritional doctor or therapist.
Conquering Anxiety, Depression and Fatigue Without Drugs – the Role of Hypoglycemia by Professor Joel H. Levitt
Other treatments for Depressions here